March 2006 Archives

This movie sucked. The gore/violence....eh. Pointless. The story...typical. And since it's a remake and all, I guess I can't harp on the story line. I wanted to leave the theatre, but decided to stick around to see what happened to the baby. Other than that, it was the suck.

They killed fucking Buffalo Bill for crying out loud. BUFFALO BILL. From Silence of The Lambs. The nut tucker. Yeah. Dead. WTF?

I had another point to make, but I forgot it when I thought about the whole nut tucking incident.

I liked this movie. I really did. It wasn't the best movie, certainly not the best horror movie I've ever seen. But given the whole story- a video game that can, essentially, kill you- it wasn't too bad. The acting wasn't spectacular, but it wasn't awful. Just expected.
The story goes, these "hardcore gamers" of sorts come across an unreleased video game called Stay Alive. Gamer #1 (Loomis, I believe) dies in the game and subsequently dies for real. Gamer #2 (Hutch?) gets the game at the funeral thanks to a family member. Apparently (and by that I mean "according to whoever wrote the script") gamers play homage to lost gamers by ...er....gaming. Ergo, the gaming posse gets together to play this game. Soon enough, they start dropping off and the gamers realize "Oh..shit. We in it now!" And thus they have to figure out how to stop the game- cause if you pause the game, the game will play you. Or something.

So what I didn't like about this movie is the lack of gore. Seriously, what is it with PG-13 rated horror movies this days? I know, it's all about the $ and reaching that market. (side note- if you have no tolerance for teenage shenanigans, see this movie either during "school hours" or after curfew.) I didn't like using Elizabeth Bathory as the crazy killer woman. (I was too familiar with the actual Bathory story).

I did like those creepy girl creature things. Those were fucked up. Actually all the ghosts/creepies were.

2 nanas. It may get more if they offer an uncut version of the DVD.

Bad does not describe this film. I thought I was seeing, at best, a B-grade slasher flick based on the Green River Killer. Instead, I got an F-level home movie quality piece of shit. The cover art was better than the movie. I felt kinda bad for the poor actress that gets killed in the first 10 mins.

Director: Hey, wanna be in a movie?

Actress: Oh boy! Do I!

Director: Okay. There's a few catches though. 1. You have to be naked. 2. One of your lines is "Okay, but I have to take a shit first." 3. Another of your lines will be "Wanna wipe my ass?"

Actress: SIGN ME UP!

In that same scene with the naked and the ass and the shitting, our killer says to her in a commanding tone "Play with yourself." At this point she starts to rub her knees and ass, while biting her finger.

Now if I was a guy, I don't think I'd want to see a woman suggestively bite her finger. Especially if the finger was a phallic representation. No teeth fool! No teeth on the wang!

Anyway. Movie sucked and we turned it off after shit girl was dumped in a creek.

There's no denying that I love me some J-Horror. So when I heard about the remake of this one coming out, I had to see the original first. I read so many "This is truly terrifying" reviews, so I was hoping for a good show. To describe the premise is tricky. Essentially, the ghosts hang out in the internet or something and the ghost world is full so all the spirits are spilling over. Well basically it's like that. But I think there was more to say in terms of a cultural/sociological observation than just "GHOSTIES". Unfortunately, there is a difference between the Japanese culture and us Mericans. The whole "we like suicide" is a little lost on me. I couldn't really connect with the whole feeling of loneliness and questioning existence that was going on. That seemed to be more of a focus in the film. Sure, it was creepy that people were disappearing and the city seemed empty. It just didn't have the quite effect on me as it would on...I dunno... someone who has felt the pain of depression. Or something.

Anyway, 2 nanas because it was set up to be this creepy ghost story and it ended up being a whole meaning of life with dancing ghosts film. But jeezis, those dancing ghosts were creepy.