9 out of 10 Americans are dirty, dirty sluts*
Chew on this tidbit:

Even among a subgroup of those who abstained from sex until at least age 20, four-fifths had had premarital sex by age 44, the study found.

You know why? Cause they realized “Holy shit, I’m 40 and haven’t gotten the sex! I’m borderline ‘old man balls’ syndrome.”
Of course, when you only poll 38,000 out of 300 MILLION people, how accurate can those results be? It’s more like 95% of people polled are dirty, dirty sluts*. I also love how only about 5,000 of those polled were men, as if there’s some assumption that, being the dirty sluts* they are, men would skew the results.
*I don’t really think they’re sluts. I just enjoy saying dirty sluts.