Monkey Thoughts

I'm not entirely sure what to make of this.

So..ahem...this panda, Xiang Xiang, was bred in captivity and then released into the wild. But that only occurred after 3 years of survival training. Yes, survival training. For a panda. To add to the story, the theory is that a gang of wild pandas chased him around, ultimately factoring in Xiang Xiang's death.

Now, I'm no scientist by any stretch of the imagination, but common sense tells me that no amount of "survival training" or kickboxing classes or self-defense classes can turn a captive bred panda into a wild panda. Not gonna happen. It's much like no matter how much you think you tame a wild animal, it can still very well maul the shit out of you once it gets tired of your stupid ass. And that was not a cheap shot at Siegfried and Roy. Okay, I lie...it totally was.

Secondly...are there really gangs of wild pandas that chase after candy-assed captivity bred pandas?

Finally, I am now going to try to use the phrase "candy-ass" more often.

This is keeping me oddly entertained.

I saw an ad for Alli in a magazine. As I skimmed over it, I caught the phrase "treatment effects". Intrigued, I read more.
Well, it turns out the effects are things like the shits or oily discharges. So, essentially, the pill works like such: You take it, you eat healthy, or you will shit yourself. It forces people to eat less fat out of the fear of the shits.

It's so simple and brilliant.

How it was approved by the FDA is beyond me.

Here's a beaut.
A woman is claiming that she was harassed over her child's sippy cup while at the airport. The TSA is saying they dealt with the situation just fine and that she was the one overreacting (news link here). The TSA actually went ahead and posted the security footage of the incident (and I absolutely love that they put it in the MythBusters section).
The incident is viewable here: http://www.tsa.gov/assets/wmv/dca_incident2.wmv (It's a 45 mb file).
At one minute into playing time, you see the cup incident. Her side of the story is that she was trying to take a drink and it accidentally spilled. Their side is that she intentionally dumped it.
Around 1:02 on the video, I see a shake of the arm. Never once did the cup approach this woman's lips. I see dump, arm shake, and then her trying to storm off. If you accidentally spill a beverage, you don't shake the cup to get every last drop out.
Looks intentional to me.

Woman yanks off testicle with bare hands

AND TRIES TO EAT IT!

YARRRGGGGHHHHHH!

There is only one response I can think of for this story: