To the woman with the particularly bad haircut who cut in front of my son for a Harry Potter book:
I just wanted to let you know a few things. First of all, I hope you feel really good about yourself for cutting in front of an 8 year old. That is quite an incredible achievement, one that you should feel proud about for a long time to come. Second, I want to commend you for setting such a shining example to your own spawn. Nothing says good parenting like acting like a complete dipshit.
But the real reason I'm writing is that I want to stress a few points to you. I knew you were going to cut. I have an instinct about people like you. Maybe it's your posture or the way you try to avoid eye contact when I glance at you. I'm not sure entirely, but I have never been wrong about a potential cutter. You should also know that you are extremely fortunate, as I have never let a line cutter get away with it, ever. "What makes me so special?" you ask. It's not because you seemed completely full of yourself, playing this whole concerned parent act as you spewed out lame comments to your spawn such as "I'm so proud of you. You're doing such a good job." (Yes, waiting in line for a freaking book requires SO much talent, it's just unheard of.) And it's not because you were with an equally bitter-looking woman who I'm quite sure hasn't been laid in many years, because having an extra person to lay the smack down on for being an ass just makes it all the more amusing to me. There were several reasons I let it slide. First off, it was such a jackass and lame thing to do. If you really think getting in front of one more person will get you the book faster and out the door, by all means be my guest. It's not like they were going to sell out at that point. But I get it. You're insane. It's okay. Lots of people are insane. Second, I'm trying to not be a jackass in front of my kid. I'm pretty sure saying "Listen you stupid bitch..." wouldn't have set the best example for him. Neither does allowing people to cut, but I'm not in that "special place" yet where I can begin a sentence to folks such as yourself without profanity. I'm working on it though. Finally, as much as I would have loved to at least trip you in that passive-aggressive sort of way that I have, I didn't want to cause a scene as a family member works at that particular store. That wouldn't be cool to do.
So I guess what I'm saying is that you're lucky. You're also lucky that my cell phone battery died, because I really wanted to take a picture of your bad haircut to show the world. In fact, if I regret anything about the whole situation it's that.