Monkey Thoughts

I don't know why I do certain things- certain things that I know I dislike or make me uncomfortable. For example, there's my need to continue to smell something bad. I also try to force this on unsuspecting bystanders with a friendly "Oh my god, this smells disgusting. Here, smell this!" It's like I mentally try to dissect how something could possibly smell so bad.
But it's not a bad smell that has me in a fix tonight. It's the film Elephant. I freaking hate this movie. I loathe it. Despise it. And yet, every damn time it's on, I force myself to sit through it. Some of the scenes are excruciatingly laborious that it's not unlike sitting through a root canal. I just want it to be over, but I can't get up and walk away. Worst of all, I'm trying to figure out why oh why this has 3 damn stars according to my cable provider, not to mention how it won the Palme d'Or. I'm going to attribute all of it to the subject matter and not on the merits of the actual film. It can't possibly be the film.