A few moments ago, my husband noticed that 2 of our garbage cans were strangely absent from our backyard. I sat there for a brief second, pondering if perhaps I put the garbage cans somewhere and conveniently forgot about it, but I decided that there was no way that I would have actually moved the garbage cans for any reason. Someone or multiple someones stole our garbage cans! Now, for the life of me, I can’t figure out WHY someone would steal garbage cans. If you really need to dispose of trash, why not use the dumpster across the street instead of paying for garbage stickers? We don’t use the dumpster, but we’re not garbage can-stealing douchebags who have questionable moral fiber. (I’m just saying..if you’re gonna be a dbag, BE a dbag. None of this half-assing shit.)
In the grand scheme of things, I don’t care about the garbage cans. Unfortunately, I absolutely hate being fucked with and having people mess with my stuff, so I was not about to just let this one slide by. I quickly concocted a theory: Whomever stole the cans must surely live nearby. After all, who in their right mind would throw USED garbage cans into their car and drive around with the faint linger of garbage that once was? (Note to self: see comment about garbage-can stealing douchebags…) I left the house to do a quick scout of the alleyway behind our house. As I peered into each person’s backyard, two things dawned on me. One, I’m not 100% sure what the garbage cans looked like. Two, I failed to devise a followup to the “find the garbage cans” plan. What was I going to do, walk up to the alleged thief’s abode, say “Hey, nice cans you got there?”, render them unconscious and steal the cans back? The plan had some serious flaws. Regardless, my scouting yielded two possible suspects, assuming my garbage cans look the way I think they did. I returned home to relay the information, but again, there was no follow-up plan. I’m toying with the idea of getting a posse together one night and capturing the cans back. Operation ForceFlex.
I think it’s entirely doable.
Necessary? No.
A fine display of my lack of emotional maturity? Absolutely.