I was sitting at work, doing my thing (which I do quite well, if I may interject), when I received a phone call on my direct line. (I specify direct line as most people who need to reach me know to call my mobile phone and not a desk or home phone, which tends to result in my staring at the phone blankly thinking "What is this beast and why is it shrilling at me?" Sometimes, I try to find the "ignore" option on the home phone, but alas...there is none. So for the purposes of this story, it was my desk phone that rang.)
I picked up the line, expecting it to be my husband since 99% of the time he is the only person to call my office line. Not having to deal with people on a daily basis has its perks, you know. There was a pause, and I repeated the standard "Hello?" greeting, but this time with an air of trepidation. It could, after all, be an ACTUAL person I would have to converse with in a strictly professional manner. The caller began to speak, utter one word that threw me into a mental panic "Spanish?" At first, I tried to convince myself that he was asking for someone named "Spanish". Certainly he wasn't expecting me to remember three years of high school Spanish and a few Nickelodeon shows to exchange meaningful dialogue? Ah, but he was. He answered "Um..Spanish?" to my partially freaked out "What?" In the next few nanoseconds, my mind raced and poured through what tangents I did remember from Spanish class, but nothing seemed to fit. How the hell did I convey to him "that I only had three years worth, and, honestly, the last one being a good 13 years ago. Surely my linguistic prowess in such things is non-existent!"
I cleared my throat and said "No" with as much sympathy and condolence as I could muster. Yet, it typical jackass manner, I managed to say it with an accent. I wasn't aware one could accent a one-syllable word such as "no", but I pulled it off. I could hear my subconscious justify this atrocity "Well, maybe if I say it like it's a Spanish word, he'll understand me." Of course he would freaking understand me. He was probably expecting either "no" or "sí". The caller hung up the phone and then it occurred to me "if only I knew how to say "But I'll find someone who does!" in Spanish. It also occurred to me that I could have accidentally said the few words I do know and have confused the man, so I'm feeling pretty good that I didn't. Way to go self. Way to not be a complete jackass this time!