I'm a little wired at the moment, and my ADD is in full-speed kick due to my findings of a horrible Russian accent (and the realization that I lack my own Russian accent), but I wanted to get some thoughts written down tonight. If that last sentence made no sense to you, don't worry. This is the very issue I deal with on a daily basis.
First, to clarify the title of this post: I have friends that are also moms. These (with maybe one exception) are people I have met outside the realm of being parents. When I say "mom" friends, I mean other women in which the only basis of our relationship is that we have kids. Consider that a preface.
A while ago, I decided to venture into the world of parenting forums. I have done this before in the past, but I get distracted easily. Plus, there's the underlying issue that I really don't like talking about my kids to strangers. Sure, the occasional story is fine, but on a general level I'm not a "my kid's poop is green, what do I do" kind of woman. (That did happen once. Food coloring. Disturbing shit. Literally.) The obvious question I find myself wondering here is why would I venture into those waters when I haven't had much success in sticking around? Mainly, I see the importance of networking and building relationships that could be helpful in a variety of projects. That is the bullshit-laden answer to make me not look like a jerk. Or maybe it does. Aw, who cares.
Anyway, joining this site had really clarified some things for me - specifically, the lack of "mom" friends. Aside from the fact I refuse to define myself based on mammalian talents of reproducing and birthing young, I realized that some women are...well...bitches. Judgmental, self-righteous, bitches. Maybe that's judgmental on my part, but I like to call it an observation. I'm not out there telling other moms that they are failures as moms and/or horrible people because of their decision to not breastfeed or to vaccinate or work a job outside the home or whether or not they circumcise their son -- but some women DO. It leaves me speechless time and time again to see how self-righteous some women can be. I have a theory about some of these women. A very specific type. Based solely on my observations, I have a theory that the women who will chastise the working mom for "allowing someone else to raise their children" while they SACRIFICE [fill in the blank] and SACRIFICE [fill in the blank] and on and on and on are truly miserable with their choices. They think by impresses us all with how much sacrificing they do, we'll validate their existence.
Before you get your mom-panties in a twist, I have nothing against stay at home moms. If that makes you happy, then more power to you. I have a problem with those who shove their lifestyles down your throats to make you feel inferior to their greatness. Not that I have this problem. I have superiority issues and I exude greatness. One could say I sweat greatness. Smell it. Smell the sweat of my greatness.
Sorry. I..get distracted...shiny..
Anyway, observing some of this behavior- the degrading tones and the name calling- was just making me feel really grouchy. I don't do well around a lot of negative people. It makes me detest humanity for brief periods of time.
Outside of online communities, it's not like I haven't tried to connect to moms on some social level. I've been to a few PTAs. Hell, I coached soccer that one time. But really...nothing there. The PTA is like a high school clique, and the sports parents are whacked out of their minds.
There has to be something more there for me. Like, we both like tattoos. Or zombie movies. Or video games. Or nudie movies. I don't want to talk about yogurt- or whatever moms talk about - all the time. That's no fun. Unless it's greek yogurt. Hell yes!
Someone has coined the term of women being extra bitchy to other women as the "mommy wars". I don't engage in that shit. I don't see the point. When it comes to raising my kids, I'm so damn concerned about not messing them up that I don't have time to argue about how superior my methods must be. There are things that I very strongly disagree with when it comes to people's parenting methods - like raising your kids with an non-justified sense of entitlement in the world, refusing to discipline them so they're not brats, letting them rule the household - things that aren't so much related to parenting styles as it is to downright lack of parenting. That's not the same as saying "Because you don't breastfeed, you are selfish and lazy and a horrible parent". That is the shit I don't want in my life. I don't want any of this comparing styles to see who is the better mom. I'm not out to impress people with my mom skillz. I'm not a fabled "supermom" and I never will be - and my kids don't seem to be hurting from that. I believe in balance in my life between raising my kids and nurturing my own sensibilities and interests. If it's selfish to accept that I am a person beyond my parental status, so be it. Someone that balks at that is someone I never needed in my life in the first place.
