This one is for all you moms out there. We get it. You have kids. Yay. Could you do us all a favor and stop having trite, uninteresting message board/member names that combine your reproducing skills with something cutesy or dull?

For example, please stop it with the “JimmysMom”, “Momto15boys”, “Mommys2angels”, “SoccerMominIowa”, “Us5BaseballThompsons”, “MaryKayMom4Life”, etc*. Be a bit more creative, won’t you? I know, raising kids is hard work, and sometimes creativity is so out of reach from those exhausted minds of yours. So I will GIVE you, completely free of charge, some new, exciting monikers to revive your online presence.

• MommyHasaHangover - This one is gold. It says “Yes, I’m a mom, but I still like to throw down a fifth of Jack like it’s nobody’s business.”
• RecoveredMethAddictMommy - Everyone has skeletons in their closets. You’re embracing yours AND celebrating your victory as well as your bundle of joy.
• SwingingMom - Oh, the double entendre here. Of course, I mean the type that goes out and swaps fuck  partners, but hey, KEEP ‘EM GUESSING, amiright??
• MommyUsedToBeTheClassSlut - Listen, I don’t condone name-calling a more sexually experienced woman as being a slut, but that doesn’t mean your classmates didn’t. So you weren’t voted “Most Likely to Succeed”, unless giving the whole football team post-championship bjs counts for something. The most action you see now is your spouse giving it to his ear canal, so remember those hey-days.
• DoubleJointedMom - What, too much?
• MommyLovesSnortingCoke - Okay, you’re not into kicking habits. That’s okay. No one is judging you here. I love greek yogurt. Does that make me a bad person? Only to the Romans, sweetheart…Only to the Romans
• IHaveMyPhDButInsteadImOnThisFuckingMessageBoardTalkingAboutCoupons** – Yeah, I know. When life hands you lemons, eh?

So there you have it. Jazz it up a bit, go crazy. Keep the rest of us guessing about the person on the other end of the screen!

*All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

** Don’t get your panties in a twist. It’s called a joke.