Okay, so I know the whole point of this blog is to talk about my feelings or maybe that’s the whole point of people blogging; I’m not sure which. But I’m usually reticent to really talk about my feelings because a) my anxiety medicine does a good job about helping me ignore my feelings and b) really, TALK about my feelings? I should mention that the anxiety meds also do a hell of a job in helping me mock people with feelings. HAHA!
So here’s the thing: There has been a lot of shit going on. A lot. I’ve gone from feeling like “ain’t got time to panic” to “fuuuuuuuuuck!! PAAAANIIIIIC!” in a rather long, drawn-out time span. I’m exhausted- mentally, emotionally, physically. I’ve gotten mysterious “stomach bugs” during all of this, which SUCKED horribly, because I didn’t have time for it. And getting sick sucks, but these stomach ailments were just miserable. Also, there was never really time to panic; I mean, sure, shit looked almost impossible to overcome at times, but as the mister says, shit seems to work itself out. You’d think I’d figure that out after 32 years, but I suppose if I could, I wouldn’t be on anxiety meds, now would I?
I like to think I am straight-forward with people, and I think for the most part I am. Lately, because of this bottle of emotions that seems to want to explode, I’ve been a little more irrational than usual and I think that is clouding my judgment. I’m using judgment to keep my mouth shut as a result. Sure, I could go off on people and express my “emotions”, but if those emotions are a direct result of the drain and strain and the irrationality, maybe I’m just being overly sensitive at the moment. Mouth = shut for the most part. Which leaves me with little outlet to leak out this pent-up emotion because surely I will end up opening floodgates.
Maybe I should talk to my cat. Not a euphemism.