How to Be a Bad Cop

Oh how I love the Bad Cop archetype. It’s one of the most formulaic of all the formula characters! I’ve decided that I’ve seen enough movies to confidently draft up the major key points:

  • Speak very loud and with your angry pants on. It doesn’t count unless you are all HULK SMASH!
  • No donuts. DO NOT EAT THE DONUTS. Donuts are for pansy cops who like their police-work like they like their donuts - with a jelly filling.
  • What is your vice? It is imperative to have some sort of addiction, be that Malboros, bourbon, or weird cartoon porn. Okay, maybe not the cartoon porn, but you have to be a bit freaky.
  • Do not shave. At least, not in any discernable schedule. If you can figure out how to look like you always have about five day’s growth, you are the king of this shit.
  • No time for love, Doctor Jones. You should be divorced, or heading straight towards it. It doesn’t hurt to have alimony and child support issues. Maybe even a restraining order against you from your ex.
  • The past…oh the past. You did something to put your badge on the line. Now the captain has it out for you and is always giving you the ol’ stinkeye while telling his superiors that you have a knack for insubordination.
  • Your partner must be the exact opposite of you. If you are with the eager rookie who is still naive about being a cop, you are in a perfect position to become “bad cop”.

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