History of the World – Signing of the Declaration of Independence

Posted on August 12, 2012 by dangermonkey

Click to view in all its glory

I figured this was a good time of year to look back at the beginnings of this nation with the signing of the Declaration of Independence. I think it would be cool back then, minus the whole war and shit, to be part of the revolution for independence. They really don’t make revolutions like this anymore. People are all too crazy with their party politics. Me? I’m too non-committal to agree with just one party. Also, the party moniker is a lie. There are no parties to be had, unless you are wealthy and throwing a fundraiser. Sigh. Take issue with either side’s politics and suddenly you’re a crazy radical. Of course, the crazy radicals on either side do not help dissolve this stereotype.
Bleagh. Politics.

History of the World – Crowning of Charlemagne

Posted on June 9, 2012 by dangermonkey

The crowning of Charlemagne is one of those fun history facts that gets ingrained into one’s brain after too many years in Catholic school. Christmas Day, 800 A.D. I know what you’re thinking: “Hey, isn’t that supposed to be Pope Leo the no-one-gives-a-shit instead of a monkey pope?” To which I say “Were you there? No? I didn’t think so.” Ooh, burn! I’ve also taken liberties with the presence of a Christmas tree, but then again, I never once claimed to be wholly accurate with my drawings, now have I?

Fun fact about ol’ Charlie: his father’s name was Pepin the Short. I feel like if you’re rocking the name Pepin, you’re not striking fear into the hearts of your enemies to begin with. To add “the short” after it is just rubbing salt into the wound. Does anyone else think we should bring back titles with names? When did that cease to be a thing, and whose stupid idea was it to stop? “Hi, I’m Bob the Fierce, and this is my wife Cindy the Leggy, and our son Peter the Stinky.” I bet it would make it ten times easier to remember someone’s name after that!

History of the World – Paul Revere’s Ride

Posted on April 20, 2012 by dangermonkey

I’d like to think that Paul Revere’s ride was a whirlwind of panic and adrenaline. It must have been cool to be making history, although I’m sure that they didn’t realize this at the time. I also think there was probably that jerk who got all pissed off about Paul trying to do his civic duty and probably yelled “Keep it down! I’m trying to sleep!”
Sigh. That guy.

History of the World in Stick Figures – The First Thanksgiving

Posted on December 5, 2011 by dangermonkey

It’s been far too long since I’ve done one of these stick figure drawings, but I am totally committed to doing more. (And ignore my previous post talking about my issues with commitment.)

I’m pretty sure all the stories we hear about Thanksgiving are complete bull. I’m sure there was a meal or something involved at some point, but considering the fate of Native Americans in this country, how on earth are we supposed to believe that all parties hung out for some turkey and pie? Then again, there was the Christmas Truce of 1914. If the British and Germans could hang out for a day during a war, surely could the pilgrims and Native Americans, right? Oh, and the monkey of course.

HOTW – Franklin vs Lightning Bullshit

Posted on May 8, 2010 by dangermonkey

While this doesn’t count as legitimate history….what the hell am I saying? I put monkeys in all my photos.

NOW IN COLOR!
I got a graphics tablet for Mother’s Day. Technically, I’m cheating, since Mother’s Day is tomorrow, but I can’t be given something this awesome and not be expected to wait another day to play with it. Now I have to figure out how to actually use it. On another note, I used to be terrified of kites as a kid. I would insist on flying it while lying on the ground, as I was convinced it could some how lift me off the ground and carry me away. Clearly, laying on the ground would prevent this. …I might still be afraid of kites.

History of the World in Stick Figures – Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima

Posted on October 22, 2009 by dangermonkey

Back when Flags of Our Fathers and Letters From Iwo Jima came out, I was so looking forward to seeing these movies. I enjoy some Clint Eastwood direction first of all, and the concept between two almost complimentary films seemed very novel.
I have still not seen either film despite renting and DVR’ing both of them. Lack of motivation and getting easily distracted are to blame.

(click to see larger image)

This image marks the first one I’ve done from start to finish completely digital. As you can see, my Photoshop skills are top notch. Hell, I don’t know why I didn’t consider a career in graphic arts. I would pwn it all with my skills. LEET!
There *was* a monkey in the original photo, but he got airbrushed out, due to his jackassery behavior of sitting on his ass and eating a granola bar while the soldiers did all the work.
Which reminds me of hiking in the mountains with my family as a child. After a good 4 hour hike, there would always be a granola bar or fruit snacks at the end of the trail. Trails that weren’t loops, so there was another 4 hours to get back down. I always looked forward to those snacks. At one point, one of my brothers mentioned that hiking wasn’t about granola bars and fruit snacks. Bullshit. Any Nature Valley commercial disproves that malarkey.
And look – there’s a whole channel devoted to people who like their granola bars after doing stuff. In your face, whichever brother that was!

History of the World in Stick Figures – The Fall of the Berlin Wall

Posted on July 11, 2009 by dangermonkey

Finally! An event I was actually alive during! And I think I remember it happening, although I vaguely understood the significance of it all. I remember the Fall of the Soviet Union more clearly cause there was that moment where I thought “dang, now I gotta relearn all that geography”.
But the Berlin wall..that was pretty wild too. I think it was all MTV’s fault.

(click for larger image)
Ignore the scared guy on the bottom right. He fears change. Damn commie.

History of the World in Stick Figures – Moon Landing 1969

Posted on July 10, 2009 by dangermonkey

I once had lunch with a former coworker who was a little nutty in the brain. I knew that going into the situation, but I had no idea how nutty he was until, as we were enjoying our respective meals, he began to go into great detail about how the moon landing was faked. I realize this is a rather common conspiracy theory, but that doesn’t mean I think that anyone who believes in a faked landing isn’t just slightly whacked in the head.

(click to view larger image)
I still think Neil Armstrong must have pushed poor ol’ Buzz Aldrin out of the way to be first. Hell, I know I would.
Interestingly enough, the “first” phenomenon can still be seen in practice today over various websites of the gossip-y nature.

History of the World in Stick Figures – French Revolution

Posted on July 9, 2009 by dangermonkey

(click to view larger image)
The French Revolution. One of them, anyway. The concept of this picture, and really the concept of this whole approach, was birthed many years ago while I was working a shitty job for a shitty company. Okay not really a shitty job. I got paid ridiculously well to do stuff that wouldn’t advance ANYBODY’s resume. But some of the people there were just complete wastes of space. Bagel obsessed J-crew obsessed wastes of space.
Anyway, my boss was out of town on vacation and I was left in charge of the department. Occasionally, I’d pop in her office for the hell of it. She had a wonderful portable while board and I decided to draw a lovely welcome gift on it. Over the course of the next few days, I’d stop in the office and work on a rather elaborate sketch of the French Revolution…in stick figures.
This drawing is not nearly as elaborate, but it captures the fun of that day. And by fun, I mean chaos and death. So…not fun.

History of the World in Stick Figures – Washington Crosses the Delaware

Posted on July 9, 2009 by dangermonkey

Several years ago, I began fooling around with the idea of depicting events in history by using stick figures. This appeared on the old version of this site, as well as on the photoblog site, but I got too lazy to scan photos so it fell by the wayside. I’ve decided to become non-lazy, and move the feature back to this site. So I’ll start off with the original goodies just for the hell of it.

(click to view larger image)
Ah, one of the originals. I’d like to think my technique has improved since this one. The oar is kinda sad. And you can tell the guy up front behind George is kinda of a dick. He seems to enjoy this all too much.