Out of the mouths of babes

I just returned from work and was plopped on the couch decompressing when my 7 year old announced to us that he knows where God lives. This may not come as a surprise to those of the church-going breed, but we don’t attend church unless there’s a wedding or funeral that dictates out presence there. In fact, last time we were in a church was earlier this year to see my cousin in his church’s Easter cantata. My son still is convinced that my cousin is Jesus. Joe, Jesus – I can see the confusion, especially for a 7 year old. So for my heathen child to announce that he knows where God lives piqued my interest, to say the least. Naturally, I had to ask where. My son answered with “Heaven”. Eyebrow raised, I asked how he knew that, and he responded with “Cause I’m smart”, which is his auto-response for things he really can’t pinpoint.

Now, I should mention that my lack of a church upbringing for my kids doesn’t stem out of atheism or anything. I’m probably more along the lines of an agnostic myself, but I think faith and spirituality is something so inherently intimate and personal that it’s something we should individually discover and decide on. And I say this after 12 years of Catholic school and dabbling in a variety of religions. (I was even once a born again, if you can believe that). To me, pushing a religion onto my kids would be doing them a disservice. I know, I’m a filthy hippy.

After the declaration of my son’s brain power, my husband tells me that he’s also said that he talks to God. My curiosity was getting the better of me and I had to know what an omnipresent deity and a 7 year old would converse about.

“Dad’s behavior.”

I’ll admit it, I smirked at this one. “And your behavior.” Aw, shit. This can’t be good. But I was assured that God said my behavior was “a little good”. I guess that’s better than “Your mom is going to hell for all her shenanigans.”

My son proceeded to tell us that he’s been to God’s house which is “really cool” and has statues of us and video games.

Over-active imagination? Or does this kid have some other worldly connection?

Learning to read

One of my favorite milestones in my kids’ lives is the learning to read process. It’s fascinating to think that one day, their brain just makes certain connections with a string of letters that suddenly have some meaning to them. It is just so cool to watch and see the wheels clicking as they try to figure out how to pronounce a word and then make that word mean something to their brain. Even more fascinating is that no one seems to remember learning to read. It just seems to have happened.

Now my 7 yr old is in the process of learning to read and it seems like each day, he learns something new.  Thankfully, both kids seem to enjoy to read, so it has never been a battle. The only thing my youngest really doesn’t like is the reading to the class assignments his teacher likes to give, and that’s only because he is shy. It seems like a odd assignment for 7 yr olds anyway, but I guess it’s supposed to help their reading skills by reading to an audience.  His latest assignment is to memorize a 4 line poem, which I need to first find and then help him memorize. Maybe school was easier when I was in first grade but this just seems ridiculous. And I think it would be better if the teacher had provided some poems to pick from but oh well. I’m sure I’ll find something and hopefully it will be appropriate.

Google Buzz makes universes collide

When Google announces a new product, I’m always eager to give it a test run, regardless of what it’s supposed to do. I have yet to find a usefulness for Google Wave, and Google Buzz…oh, Buzz. Buzz has only added more unwelcomed factors into my life. I’m not talking about the buzz (heh) about privacy issues. I mean one simple little issue: My oldest is on Google Buzz. We “follow” each other. My twitter feed pours into Buzz, making a formerly private section of my life prominently on display for him. Even worse, I’ve become painfully tuned into the drama of a middle school aged child.
I’m sure many parents would balk at that last statement, and let me clarify: it’s not that I don’t know what my son is up to, etc. It’s that now I’m faced with those so-called growing pains that we all did in the privacy of our peers and frankly, it’s awkward. And I’m sure some parents would love to have this doorway into their kids thoughts and conversations with friends, but it feels intrusive to me. If a friend and him are arguing (which they do over Buzz..whaaa?), there it is, in my feed for me to see. I’ll talk with him (off the computer of course) and ask if everything is okay, but it makes me feel like I gained the information by spying. And then there’s the other dilemma – to respond via post or not. I don’t want to be “oh, that ‘s my mom” on his feed. How embarrassing would that be?
As I’ve mentioned in a few other posts, my maternal instinct to protect my kids is strong. Grizzly bear mama strong. It takes a great deal of discipline and restraint on my part to let him “fight his own fights”. There is a definitely a line where good intentions can step over if not kept in check. If someone was bullying my kids, there is no line. But little arguments and pre-adolescent drama? A definite line.
The latest involves some girl I don’t know. My son doesn’t even know her. I’m pretty sure his friends don’t know her either. One of his friends started following her on Buzz, and she started calling him a stalker. Okay, a little dramatic, yes. Then my son makes a comment in his own feed how she is ticking him off. The girl, who is not being followed by my son or following him, has been commenting on the post daily. Calling them stalkers. Which I find kind of amusing and definitely ironic. The drama is making my head spin, watching them go back and forth at each other. Quite a few times, I’ve wanted to step in and say something…but then what? What would I solve by making the little twat cry? And really, she’s what, a pre-teen? How awesome of me for being able to decimate the feelings of someone half my age. (That is sarcasm.) It’s as if the mommy-mode kicks in and that’s all I think about- protecting mah youngins. So thank you, Google Buzz, for making my life slightly more difficult.

An example of poor parenting – an essay

I’m not referring to the complete “win” of a moment last week where I managed to completely forget parent/teacher conferences. I have plenty of excuses for that one. Actually, this has nothing to do with me cause I’m such a *cough cough* perfect parent and all. No, really, the forgetting of the conferences was SUCH a fluke.
Yeah, I don’t buy that either.
Yesterday morning, I took over sick child watch to let my husband get some sleep. Our youngest was struck with a nasty stomach bug off and on during the weekend and had it come back “on” Sunday night right after we decided to go to bed. My kids have radar like that to detect when is the opportune time to get sick all over the place.
Anyway, after that lovely night, I stumbled out of bed and into the living room, where my son had been up ALL night watching a variety of cartoons and kids movies. As I drifted in and out of early morning consciousness, he turned on “Dennis the Menace” on from Netflix. I know at some point in my lifetime I have seen this movie, but my mind likes to block it out. I never really cared much for the comic strip (which, by the way, 58 years old..sheesh!) or the movie, and as I lay there blinking at the tv, it occurred to me why: Dennis’s parents really suck at the whole parenting thing. Now I get that Mr.Wilson actually likes Dennis deep down, but think about the whole situation. What parent in their right mind would allow their 7 year old child run amuck throughout the neighborhood and terrorize a poor retiree? Sure, Dennis may “mean well” with his antics and such, but the relationship dynamic between Mr. Wilson and Dennis is still odd, to put it lightly. Now, granted, I don’t know if the dynamic is significantly different between an old dude and a girl vs old dude and boy, but I don’t remember being too friendly with the Mr. Wilson-esque characters in my neighborhood growing up. There were actually two of them. First was Ralph, the blatantly racist war veteran whose main fear rotated between someone walking in his yard and someone of the “wrong” skin color moving in the neighborhood. On a side note, I always thought his name was “Rowlf”..like the muppet.


rowlf
not Ralph the neighbor



The other was Bob. Bob who laughed like a hyena and was always wearing short shorts and a safari hat, meticulously taking care of his lawn. He was the type to laugh at you if you fell on your bike, and then ask if his yard was ok. Good for a few jokes. I think at one point Bob and Not-Rowlf had a blowing up of sorts, but I don’t remember much about it. Probably a difference in lawn care opinions.
Anyway, while we were cordial-ish to each other, I sure the hell didn’t go traipsing about in their respective houses or knock on their door incessantly. That would be weird, sorta like my neighbors who always seemed to be leering at us through the bushes. (Totally different ones than Bob and Not-Rowlf.) Sure, my mom was always excessively paranoid about adults, perhaps rightly so, but she would have grounded me if I disappeared into their houses for even a second.
Which brings me to Henry and Alice Mitchell. Really? It’s “okay” for your son to have a weird relationship with an older man? You’re okay with him barging in the house and bothering the poor guy when all Mr. Wilson wants is to enjoy the few good years of his life in peace and quiet before he is forced to put on Depends or starts developing dementia. Tell your damn kid to bother people his own age for crying out loud instead of shrugging it off like “Oh, you know how Dennis is. *wink wink*” Wake up, you damn fools!
Okay, I feel better having really stuck it too the fictional comic strip parents! Yeah! In your face, fake parents!

Closing a chapter (and essentially writing one)

I realize I rarely mention my kids, but I decided to mix it up tonight. Although I started this site in Feb 2004, I don’t remember mentioning the pregnancy and birth of my youngest in those early conceptions. (Ha..conceptions..pregnancy..sigh) To sum it up, I was pregnant and gave birth. It was fun. Especially the “Omen” marathons in the hospital, thanks to having a baby close to Halloween.
Anyway, on that last day of the hospital stay, I woke up from a brief nap after the resident pediatrician came in the room. Without much of a pause, he hit me with a relative brick wall of information that my post-pregnancy, hormone raging self found difficult to process: my son lacked a soft spot in his head. Now, honestly, I had no idea what the implication would be of this lacking soft spot. So naturally, I asked. I’m a curious person after all. The pediatrician told me in a matter-of-fact manner “Well, it could mean his skull is prematurely fused, which means he’ll need to see a neurosurgeon and have surgery.” And with that, he left the room. I was floored, trying to grasp what he had told me. “Newborn” and “surgery” did not mesh well in my head. “Neurosurgeon”? Really? I did the only thing I COULD do; I broke into sobs. At that point, the nurse walked into the room, clearly alarmed that she had a postpartum sobbing woman on her hands. I explained to her why I was crying and what the pediatrician had said to her. She got quiet and said “Oh…he wasn’t supposed to tell you like that.” I picked up on the context there: clearly, they had known about the issue before side-swiping me with it. The nurse told me that yes, they did know. But since my son had been “salad-spooned” (i.e., they used the forceps), they were unable to tell if he had a fused skull or if it was merely misshapen due to the spoon action. The only thing I could do was wait to see his primary care doctor the following day. That day came slowly for me, but our doctor was really on the ball with things. He sent us for an initial xray to determine if there was in fact a closure. I wanted to cling onto the hope that it was just the salad spoons’ fault, but there was an actual closure in the skull. The condition is called craniosynostosis, and my son had two types: sagittal and metopic. After the xray, we were referred to a neurosurgeon, who sent us for the more thorough CT scan. Lovely thing about getting a CT scan for a child — you can’t feed them before hand. Oh yeah, and he was an infant, and we all know all they do is eat, poop, and sleep. Take one away and that makes for a VERY irritable infant. And of course, being that the CT scan was taking place at a hospital, the wait was horrendous. So I sat there with an increasingly irritable infant, fielding all sorts of looks from fellow parents. The best is when one of them would say “He sounds hungry”, as if I was able to fix this. I got to the point where I was ready to explode and say “No shit he’s hungry!” when we were finally called back for the scan. Now with a CT scan on an infant, they need to knock the child out to run the test properly. The staff produced a lovely pacifier dipped in anesthesia, which my son gobbled at ferociously. Unfortunately, once he realized it was most definitely NOT food, he was more upset than ever. The nurses told us it would take a few minutes to kick in. Not my child. Not when he was hungry. This tiny infant FOUGHT OFF the anesthesia. Just as his head would start to tip in that infant-hapless fashion, he’d snap back up, eyes wide. I’m not talking for a few minutes, but for a good amount of time, shocking us and the nurses. He finally had to give in to it, and was whisked off to the CT machine. There was something surreal about seeing his tiny unconscious body in the belly of this gigantic, unfeeling machine. It was overwhelming and, at the time, the most difficult site I had to deal with. The scan results confirmed the extent of the fusion in his skull, but it also uncovered another surprise – a tiny cyst on his tear duct called a nasolacrimal duct cyst. It was blocking his breathing, causing his blood oxygen levels to drop. I had to sit next to his recovery bed with an oxygen mask pointed in the general direction of his face. And as much as he fought the anesthesia, he was slow to come out of it, so he was kept overnight in the hospital.
After his release, we met up with an ENT specialist. Before the surgery on his head was done, the cyst needed to come out to prevent any potential complications. This surgery would be a fairly easy one. They would remove the cyst, and place a very tiny tubing in the tear duct to keep it open. The tubing would then be removed a few months down the road. That surgery took place prior to Thanksgiving of that year. His head surgery was scheduled for the first week in December. Being the type of person I am, I needed to read as much as possible about the surgery. I don’t know if it gives me some semblance of control of the situation, but I feel better knowing what I’m getting into. Of course, the disadvantage was that I KNEW what was involved in the surgery and I was incredibly freaked out and shaken over it. (I don’t handle blood well. At least, not other people’s.)
In the midst of all these constant doctor appointments, I was still trying to grapple with a deluge of emotions. I remember looking at the major parenting/pregnancy sites, hoping someone else out there would be going through or had gone through this. There had to be SOMEONE. It’s not a ridiculously rare condition. And yet, I couldn’t find anyone on those sites mentioning this condition. The one emotion that constantly flooded me was guilt. No matter what the doctor told me, I felt responsible for this condition. I thought surely I had done something wrong or failed to do something in the pregnancy to cause this, as neither me or my husband had any history of this in our families.
After the tear duct removal surgery, the head surgery was just a matter of weeks. When that morning arrived, I had to try really hard to keep it together. Handing him over to the nurses was so incredibly difficult. It was putting up a brick wall in front of that maternal instinct to protect him. For the next several hours, I was going to be out of the equation and there was nothing I could do about that.
Sitting in the waiting room, time crawled by. I wanted to know my son was ok. I wanted to SEE he was ok. Finally, we got paged to the consult room, where we were told the surgery went well and, as soon as he was moved into a room, we could see him. More waiting, thankfully not as long though.
When I walked into his room, I realized no amount of researching could prep me for that image. His tiny 5-week old self was laying peacefully on a hospital bed, but the head had a turban-like bandaged wrapped around in and there were so many tubes going every which way. We were given an overnight room as he was in the ICU area for one night. My husband and I took turns that night: one of us would sit in the chair next to his bed, while the other attempted to sleep in the overnight room. (Although, my husband had no issues sleeping thanks to his 3rd shift schedule. I, on the other hand, had actually pulled an ab muscle during delivery, and laying down in a bed was a tremendous source of pain.) After ICU, he was moved up to a room on the neurology floor for a few days and then was finally able to go home.
Over the next two years, we would have followup appointments with the neurosurgeon to check on his head. While my son had 2 types of closures, the surgery was only to open one. The logic was that the sagittal was more critical and opening it up would cause the metopic closure to open up as well. But for two years, that theory was tested. We would go to an appointment and hear it was fine, but return three months later and hear he may need the second surgery after all. The last appointment in that bunch, we were told that it looked good for the time being and to come back in three years. I remember laughing as I made the appointment — mainly, because they asked me if a certain time on a date THREE YEARS in the future would be good for me — but also because it seemed so far away.
A few days ago, that three year appointment arrived. I wanted to remain hopeful, but couldn’t shake the dread in my stomach that we would be told he would need another surgery after all. My mind raced with scenarios of trying to explain this to him (see previous post about how I’m crazy), but I tried to think positive. When the doctor walked into the room and looked at my son, he said “If I had no knowledge of you beforehand and you came in the office today, I would have no idea why you were here.” He finished the quick exam, letting us know everything was good and that we did not need another appointment. EVER.
The surge of relief I felt after hearing that was gigantic. For years, I had in the back of my mind that until we get that sign-off, it was not all ok. I finally feel like we can step away from that episode in our lives.
There are some things that will serve as a reminder, like the scar he sports on his head, which we keep covered by his beautiful curly hair. I worry about having another baby, if this would happen again–we’re told that there is no increase in probability that it would, but I think it’s only natural to have that thought. And while there may not be an increased chance that a future child of mine could have this issue, there is the chance that my son’s children could. I’ve wondered if one day I’ll be a grandmother telling my son that it’ll be ok. It seems really silly to have those thoughts (again, see previous post about me being crazy). Even so, I can take a few odd thoughts versus the unknowing if we could put all this behind us finally.

Aieee

My home has been invaded by little people. I dryly laugh in my head at the humor of saying “don’t make a mess”. That’s just a useless expenditure of energy.
So now I sit here and have a tick at the amount of cleaning I’ll have to do. Maybe I’ll clean in the form of shoving all the toys in a packing box.
(and by little people, I mean kids, not “little people”.)

Kids Shows

One of the dual benefits/drawbacks to having kids is being subjected to their TV programming tastes. Unless you’re one of those parents that believe TV is evil and is strictly prohibited. (For the record, I don’t think that really works. I had a professor whose parents did that. He spent his early college years doing nothing but catching up on the 18 years of TV he missed.) It’s a benefit in that you can get away with watching cartoons and no one seems to say anything. “Oh, you have a kid…that explains it.” For the record, I’d watch cartoons even if I didn’t have kids, although I find the current selection of cartoons lacking quality. The drawback is sometimes the kids don’t have good taste in cartoons.
For example..there’s the whole Yu-gi-oh/Naruto genre of cartoons. I can’t stand those. They’re like cartoon soaps, but with a fantasy element. A lot of serious stares and close ups.
Then there’s the preschool genre. Blue Clues (the Steve years) is good. Dora is not too bad even though there’s a lot of staring at the screen. And Boots is an ass monkey. But Go Diego, Go. Why my son likes this show is BEYOND me- other than the fact that he’s two of course. It has too many lame songs. There’s no content in the show, so someone decided to fill it with stupid songs. They spent about a minute on this episode singing “Waa Waa!” over and over again. I guess they wanted to have a boy counterpart to Dora. Either way, it’s total shit. Yet, still not as bad as talking hands.

The mysteries of life

I think it would be cool to know what dinosaurs really looked like and what really happened to them. Or how life began. Or how Stonehedge was made.
But right now, I’m focused on a deeper mystery.
I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t understand toddler language even from my own toddler. Sure, some words are very distinct and clear, and we can get the jist of what he’s saying. But other times, those times where he’s seemingly having a long, intent conversation, I have no freaking clue. And sometimes, I think he’s speaking Japanese.
Beyond the babbling, there’s a phrase Connor has picked up- “Elmo doe” (pronounced Elmo dough). I haven’t a clue as to what it means. He says it while watching Elmo videos for the 10th time today, while taking a bath, while playing with a million Elmo toys, while in the car. And I CANNOT figure out what it means. Everytime I think we’ve zeroed in on its translation, he says it in a seemingly different context. I’ve tried the “Show me. Where’s Elmo doe?”, and he gives me this look like there’s something wrong with me for even asking that. My husband tells me to not get so worked up about it, but I can’t help it. It’s like a code that I need to break. It’d be one thing if it was just babble, but this is the same repeated phrase, said in a manner that obviously suggests I’m a damn fool for not understanding.
What does it mean? WHAT IS ELMO DOE? AGGH!

Explaining the poop stain on my carpet from the previous post

I didn’t want to give the impression that my family enjoys shitting on the carpet or something. Connor has had this nasty bug for about a week now. He’s been to the ER and his doc, but they just said to let it run its course. Unfortunately, its course has consisted of random vomittings IN MY CAR and explosive poops.
Today was another explosive poop. It ended up leaking out of the diaper and onto the carpet. Thus the stain. And unfortunately, I was out of rug cleaner.
See how it all comes full circle?