Monkey Thoughts

After having this movie in my possession for over 4 months and desperate not to have another "Hero" incident, I finally forced myself to find the time to watch this movie. I suppose my motivation for renting it was based both on word of mouth and my tendency to rent foreign films for the hell of it.Unfortunately, my husband is not much of a subtitle fan, so finding the spare time to watch such movies is a bit of an obstacle.
Admittedly, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect from this movie.Based on the diary of Ernesto Guevaro, it chronicles the journey of Ernesto and friend Alberto Granado across South America in the 1950s. It started out well, but after 10 minutes or so, I felt as though I was sitting through a series of scenes involving two guys falling off a motorcycle in various fashions, which subsequently leads to the motorcycle breaking.Sure, there were bits of action in between these falls, but the first hour seemed to be entirely dominated by this. After awhile it was tiring and predictable and slightly painful to watch.
The movie went up in my opinion during the second half. Motorcycle no longer in the picture, it allowed time to see some character development.Combining some absolutely beautiful background scenery with truly interesting characters that Ernesto and Alberto come across in their journey allows for a glimpse of the evolution of Ernesto. At this point, it no longer was about two guys falling off a motorcycle repeatedly, but about the journey and the experience.

1. The Kick. Open with a random killing that no one seems too concerned about.


2. The Hero. Stick with a formula. Either go with the rogue "bad ass" with a shady past, or the fun-loving "good guy" type out to save mankind.


3. The Brain...Oh, Never mind. Have the obligatory marine biologist, but use the "dingy woman" character who will immediately flirt with the hero and who is completely unbelievable as any type of scientist.


4. The Villain. No. It's not the shark. This is the corrupt politician or business man who is out to make money and will disregard anything the hero says, forcing the hero to make some pseudo-philosophical statement about how the villain is an ass.


5. The Quality. Budget got you down? Don't worry. Just use stock footage of some guy fishing shot on Super 8mm circa 1970. The audience won't notice the glaring difference between the shots.


6. The Shark. Make sure you have it look as fake as possible. Rubber is good. Have all attack shots just close ups of the teeth. Add in some over the top crunching noises. And make the shark make an audible "roaring" sound- because that's EXTRA scary.


7. The Shark Part II. Need a bigger shark? Of course, there's ALWAYS a mama shark. (Especially good for types of white sharks who are just so well known for their maternal instincts. *sarcasm*) Just use footage of a white shark and super-impose boats by it to make it look huge.


8. The Sidekick. Have him ex-military for more punch. And slightly crazy. He'll try to save the day and either get eaten or fail.


9. The Plan. The plan is so crazy that the hero can't find words to describe it. He just has to move and move quickly. When it comes down to it, the plan is actually quite simple and there are no excuses as to why the hero was unable to communicate it.


10. Karma. Because we all know that in life, bad guys NEVER get ahead. Their evil ways will ALWAYS come back to bite them in the ass...no pun intended.


11. The Punchline. Add in a few groaners, like "Chew on this!". We all know we'd be so witty if a shark was trying to eat us, so indulge us. This line is all the more powerful if uttered by the useless biologist who just spent the last 5 minutes screaming helplessly for the hero to save her.


12. The Setup for the Sequel, a.k.a, Nature comes out on top. The shark was annihilated, right? It was the only one of its kind, right? Or was it... ???

There's no denying that I love me some J-Horror. So when I heard about the remake of this one coming out, I had to see the original first. I read so many "This is truly terrifying" reviews, so I was hoping for a good show. To describe the premise is tricky. Essentially, the ghosts hang out in the internet or something and the ghost world is full so all the spirits are spilling over. Well basically it's like that. But I think there was more to say in terms of a cultural/sociological observation than just "GHOSTIES". Unfortunately, there is a difference between the Japanese culture and us Mericans. The whole "we like suicide" is a little lost on me. I couldn't really connect with the whole feeling of loneliness and questioning existence that was going on. That seemed to be more of a focus in the film. Sure, it was creepy that people were disappearing and the city seemed empty. It just didn't have the quite effect on me as it would on...I dunno... someone who has felt the pain of depression. Or something.

Anyway, 2 nanas because it was set up to be this creepy ghost story and it ended up being a whole meaning of life with dancing ghosts film. But jeezis, those dancing ghosts were creepy.

Bad does not describe this film. I thought I was seeing, at best, a B-grade slasher flick based on the Green River Killer. Instead, I got an F-level home movie quality piece of shit. The cover art was better than the movie. I felt kinda bad for the poor actress that gets killed in the first 10 mins.

Director: Hey, wanna be in a movie?

Actress: Oh boy! Do I!

Director: Okay. There's a few catches though. 1. You have to be naked. 2. One of your lines is "Okay, but I have to take a shit first." 3. Another of your lines will be "Wanna wipe my ass?"

Actress: SIGN ME UP!

In that same scene with the naked and the ass and the shitting, our killer says to her in a commanding tone "Play with yourself." At this point she starts to rub her knees and ass, while biting her finger.

Now if I was a guy, I don't think I'd want to see a woman suggestively bite her finger. Especially if the finger was a phallic representation. No teeth fool! No teeth on the wang!

Anyway. Movie sucked and we turned it off after shit girl was dumped in a creek.

I liked this movie. I really did. It wasn't the best movie, certainly not the best horror movie I've ever seen. But given the whole story- a video game that can, essentially, kill you- it wasn't too bad. The acting wasn't spectacular, but it wasn't awful. Just expected.
The story goes, these "hardcore gamers" of sorts come across an unreleased video game called Stay Alive. Gamer #1 (Loomis, I believe) dies in the game and subsequently dies for real. Gamer #2 (Hutch?) gets the game at the funeral thanks to a family member. Apparently (and by that I mean "according to whoever wrote the script") gamers play homage to lost gamers by ...er....gaming. Ergo, the gaming posse gets together to play this game. Soon enough, they start dropping off and the gamers realize "Oh..shit. We in it now!" And thus they have to figure out how to stop the game- cause if you pause the game, the game will play you. Or something.

So what I didn't like about this movie is the lack of gore. Seriously, what is it with PG-13 rated horror movies this days? I know, it's all about the $ and reaching that market. (side note- if you have no tolerance for teenage shenanigans, see this movie either during "school hours" or after curfew.) I didn't like using Elizabeth Bathory as the crazy killer woman. (I was too familiar with the actual Bathory story).

I did like those creepy girl creature things. Those were fucked up. Actually all the ghosts/creepies were.

2 nanas. It may get more if they offer an uncut version of the DVD.

This movie sucked. The gore/violence....eh. Pointless. The story...typical. And since it's a remake and all, I guess I can't harp on the story line. I wanted to leave the theatre, but decided to stick around to see what happened to the baby. Other than that, it was the suck.

They killed fucking Buffalo Bill for crying out loud. BUFFALO BILL. From Silence of The Lambs. The nut tucker. Yeah. Dead. WTF?

I had another point to make, but I forgot it when I thought about the whole nut tucking incident.

I was waiting for this movie for a long time. Funny enough, I never played the video game. My youngest brother had it and I used to watch him play. (I wasn't coordinated enough to handle PS controls.) So I remember the whole freakiness and all. And man was it freaky.

We decided to see a late show, hoping most of the hooligans would have come and gone. It didn't work. But the hooligans didn't come in the form of teens or youths. It was in the form of a man in his 30s. He was "Lame Guy". You know Lame Guy. He's the one who, when amongst a group of friends, decides to make horrible jokes and lame ass observations for a laugh. Unfortunately for this Lame Guy, he was only getting 1 out of his approximately 10 friends to laugh, so it was really pathetic. At one point, I almost screamed at him to shut his cocksucker (a term I oddly picked up at work), but I managed to be restrained. Without medication. Holy shit, I must be maturing.

Lame Guy aside, I did enjoy this movie. I think I missed a lot due to not remembering the game a lot, but I was delightfully creeped out. You most likely know the whole story to it, so I won't go into it all. There's definitely a parallel universe thing going on here as we see 2 stories- Rose (the lovely Radha Mitchell) looking for her daughter, and her husband (played by the always ass-kicking Sean Bean) looking for them both. It can get confusing at times if you don't think "Oooh...parallel universes an' shit!" The creepies in this one were wonderfully done. I particularly loved the nurses and Pyramid Head. Not only did the costume/makeup combo help, but just the choreography of movement on these characters added to the "oh shit" factor.

Sure, there were cheesy lines, but that's a given. I was ultimately more creeped out than scared with this film, but it didn't affect my overall liking of the film.

Let me start by saying this is not a movie for everyone. I liked it, my husband hated it. But he fell asleep. And this isn't his website so therefore mine is the ruling opinion. HA!

Basic story- 14-yr old girl and much older man (who happens to be a photographer...aren't they all...) flirt online and decide to meet. He takes her back to his place. She makes drinks. And slips him a mickey. And THAT'S where things get interesting. Turns out, she isn't the vulnerable little girl he mistook her for and she's out to make his day really, really bad.

Now I've heard complaints that this movie goes beyond reality. First of all, no shit. It is a movie after all. If I wanted reality, I would make fun of the stinky people outside the coffee shop next to the theatre. But that's a whole other story. I got the feeling that the character of Haley was supposed to be older than 14. Like an 18 yr old who faked 14. To kick some ass. I was waiting for something to be dropped like that, but nothing was. It stays very vague about both characters' respective backgrounds, which works both for and against the film. It allows for the game of action and consequence to begin without a bunch of useless crap thrown in. And in a way, I think it makes some viewers go back and forth on who is the actual "bad guy" in this film. Is she mental? Is he a pedophile? These things are just implied without hard evidence. I mean, sure, it seems pathetic if not creepy that a 30 something old man would take a 14 yr old girl to his crib, but there's all this ambiguity. First, he doesn't give her alcohol- that's her action. He suggests she call her sister to tell her where she's going to be. He seems reserved in the sexual area (not to willing to rip her clothes off). On the other hand, if some old guy lured my niece to his place like that, I would still kick ass first and ask questions later. And there is a brief mention of kiddie porn. So again...

I was almost tempted to walk out at one point. Haley gets Jeff in a rather awkward position. And by awkward position, I mean she's ready to perform surgery on him. This whole scene was just disturbing. Not gory. Nothing is shown. But the mental anguish is very intense. And I can't imagine how a guy would sit through this scene. But I stayed around to see what happened. And I'm glad I did. Cause wow.

This movie likes to fuck with your head. It's hard to feel bad for Jeff without thinking "Oh, he's a damn dirty kid lover in the wrong sort of way". But it's hard to cheer Haley without thinking it's encouraging some weirdass vigilante/sadistic justice. Definitely worth the watch though.

This was a Netflix rental as I missed it in the theater. But I've been eager to see it so I had to watch it the second it came in the mail.

Now let me mention two things. First, I love Spielberg and it would be unusual to NOT like anything he's done. AI was close because there were too many damn endings and frankly, I was just lost at the end. The actual end, that is. Second, I will be the first to admit that when it comes to worldly/current affairs, I have no idea what the hell is going on. I neither read a newspaper or watch the news. (But I do go to CNN.com occasionally.) Most newscasters annoy me, and the local newspaper pissed me off by calling my home for someone else every day for 2 months. (That last point has nothing to do with the fact that I'm really too cheap to buy a newspaper. It just gives my cheapness a sort of feudal feel.) Speaking of the news, how many fucking times are they going to report on the dangers of MySpace AND act like it's a new topic of discussion???

But I digress. My point was, I'm no expert in the Palestine/Israel going-ons. Although, this movie makes me want to read up on it. So I went into this movie with a really basic understanding of they don't particularly care for each other. The movie starts up at the Olympics of 1972 and the hostage to murder situation that occurred with eleven Israeli athletes. It then carries on with the Israeli move to go after anyone that was involved in the attack. The film is noted as being "inspired by actual events", as there are no available documents saying "this group of guys killed XXXX". Nevertheless, it remains a striking film delving into what is justice, violence begetting more violence, and the overall cycle of attack/be attacked. What got me most about the movie was how many times I uttered "Oh shit!", due to someone getting shot all the hell up. Munich is not shy about the violence and it's presented in a very frank, matter-of-fact way. This movie was close to 3 hours long, yet I managed to stay interested the entire time. I give it four out of five nanas.

Now, I must wake my husband up. (He does not share my opinion of this movie. At least, I'm pretty sure he doesn't. I'm not entirely sure if he was awake during most of it.)

Scoot had mentioned this movie several times over the course of the past few years. I finally rented it from Netflix this week. I wasn't entirely too sure what to expect from the film. I had seen flicks such as The Suicide Club, so I knew how the violence in Japanese films can be a little over the top in a very surreal/animated way. And of course, there are the social-cultural-political references that fly over my head, BUT- Battle Royale was not like that. The setup is fairly simple (yet kinda difficult to grasp at the same time): It takes place during times of unrest and economic lows. The school children have even become bastards by abusing their teachers and refusing to go to school. (So in other words, it's like some of the public schools here....oooh, bad joke.) As a result, the gov'ment decides to enact the Battle Royale Act- a randomly selected class is dropped on an island where they must kill each other until 1 remains. (How this deals with the skipping class, I don't know. I suppose the theory is "Bastards don't deserve to live".) They have 3 days to complete this task; if, after 3 days, there is no winner, the collars attached to their necks with explode. Lovely, eh? So what ensues is a lot of crazy killing, paranoia, and desperate survival tactics. I found interesting the undercurrent activity of "BFF!" and then the supposed best friends would turn on each other. And of course, it provides food for thought by reflecting on the ol' "What would I do in this situation? Is friendship more important than one's life?"

Anyway, it was definitely worth the watch and managed to be entertaining, thought-provoking, horrific, and disturbing all in one package.

I saw the Americanized Grudge in the theaters and it remains one of those movies that I have a difficult time watching because I get too creeped out. Pale freaky asian boys + contorted black haired women = a creeptastic experience for me. I had delayed watching Ju-On cause I didn't think I'd be able to sleep afterwards.

Well, I finally sucked it up and rented it from Netflix. Comparing The Grudge with Ju-On, it was evident that bits and pieces of the Japanese story were used to make a solid story line in the American version. Ju-On, on the other hand, follows multiple story lines, treated as chapters, with the creepy woman/child being the common thread to tie them all together. I wish I would have seen this version first actually, because it threw me for a loop at first. (I was essentially expecting the same exact story and structure, but in Japanese...kinda how the Ringu/The Ring played out.) Not that this was a bad thing. In fact, I have a theory that The Grudge 2 is based on another chapter in Ju-On, so it'll be interesting to see how that goes.

Now creepy-wise... I still felt this movie was just as creepy as its Americanized version. I mean, hell...the whole pale, wide-eyed, semi-naked boy popping up everywhere was just unsettling enough. Now add in the crawling woman showing up in the bathroom, bedroom, in the freaking bed (that's a safety zone for crying out loud!) and I think I may have clawed up my husband.

Ultimately, what I like about this film is it manages to be creepy in either language. There's not a whole lost in translation effect, like in Kairo.

I'm not sure what it was about the trailer that made me really want to see this. I didn't even read the book, and I have issues with Anne Hathaway ever since Havoc. But I dragged my husband to it anyway. (And let me tell you, I didn't have issues with her in this film.)

Basic plot- Andrea Sachs is a newly grad trying to make her big break in journalism. So, to up her chances of getting her dream job, she ends up as a personal assistant to the editor of fashion mag "Runway", Miranda Priestly (played right on key by Meryl Streep). Unfortunately, it's a 24 hour on-call job for a demanding, demeaning boss who makes outrageous demands while dismissing them in the next breath. Andrea, or "Andy", takes the job in stride, knowing it will ultimately open doors for her career. But, she manages to compromise her own beliefs and alienate her friends in the process.

What irritated me was the whole situation with her boyfriend and friends. Sure, in the perfect world, you can tell The Man where to stick it and lead your own revolution. But in the real world, most people need to work their asses off and be under-appreciated to work their way to the top. Her friends acted like asses about it. Yeah, it was ridiculous for Andy to jump every time Miranda wanted something, but that was the job she chose to take. Oh hell, what am I going on about? It was a movie. I've read that in the book, Andy's own judgmental side is more evident. She's working with extremely superficial people...well, people whose world revolves around fashion at least. Andy, however, could give two shits less about fashion, so she writes them off as vacant, etc. Interesting little cycle.

Anyway, Emily Blunt and Stanley Tucci gave awesome performances. Gotta love the Tucci!

And I'm putting the book down as a must read. (Update: I read the book. Quite good.)

I'll be honest. I'm not entirely sure what this movie is about. I think the general idea is: It's a wee bit in the future and a new drug is on the streets. A narc is essentially assigned to monitor himself.

It may be a little more complicated than that, but you know what? I don't actually care. I saw the trailer a few months ago, so when my husband said it was playing at the local artsy theater, I said "Word!" Weird, I remembered I wanted to see it, but that was about it.

The whole look of the film is just mind-fucking. It's like animated, but not. Like if you take a photo in Photoshop and use one of those artistic filters. I'm sure there's a technical name for this type, but I like to refer to it as the Charles Schwab look. I hate those commercials, but I dug the movie. Go figure. It was just entertaining and (surprisingly) funny at times, while maintaining this very intimate feel of drug use/addiction. What most amazed me was that I could tolerate Keanu Reeves. Who would have guessed that animated, he does fantastic work? That's the ultimate mind-fuck. Plus there was a pretty good supporting cast, especially Robert Downey Jr.

With Pulse opening up today, I thought I would take this opportunity to plead with Hollywood to STOP REMAKING FILMS. The list of remakes is just astonishing. The Wicker Man I don't particularly care about, cause the ass slapping in the original kinda put me off. And I have no problem with ass slapping, but this was just weird.

I just read today that they are remaking Battle Royale. And by remake, I mean someone feels the need to market to the young teen American audience (as it will inevitably have a PG-13 rating). It's just horrible and I'm not happy about.

Now about Pulse. I'm a little torn here. It looks creepy, but the PG-13 rating just puts me off. No offense to the younger crowd, but I do not want to see a movie and put up with a bunch of 13-16 year olds texting each other and acting like idiots. (I originally included 17 yr olds in that mix, till I realized that they can get into R movies anyway.) This has happened quite a few times, and really the only alternative is to see a "Past curfew" showing, which is what we did for Stay Alive. Then there's whole movie itself. I can't say Kairo was my favorite movie, but I understand what it was attempting to say. I have a feeling that Pulse bastardized (this is my new favorite word) the plot, removed all the existential overtones (not necessarily damaging), and threw in some cheap scares for the teenagers. Not to mention the fact that it didn't test well when it was supposed to be release months ago, so it had to be reworked. So I may just wait for the DVD release, as it most likely will be "Unrated".

Making this decision doesn't help me with the "If I only saw 1 movie tonight, which would it be?" problem I have. I'm at least 3-4 movies behind at this point.

There's not much I can say for this movie other than it is evident that I rented the wrong movie. I had in my hands Marebito and A Tale of Two Sisters. I put the latter back. Now I regret it.

This film started out relatively creepy. Then it took some path that I just wasn't following. Man is obsessed with fear. Man goes into tunnel. Tunnel suddenly looks not unlike Genesis in Star Trek III. Man finds naked woman chained. Man somehow gets out of bizarro tunnel with naked woman and puts her in his apt. Naked woman doesn't eat food. Naked woman likes blood. It became some weird vampire experience with oddly sexual/animalistic blood drinking scenes. What I can't understand is why the guy didn't slice his wang and let her lick that, as he was obviously getting off by her licking his hand. Pervo.

About 3/4 of the way through, I fell asleep. And I have no idea what happened.

Give me a few days off, and I'll catch up on some movies.

Red Eye

Nice thriller. Cillian Murphy is creepy without even trying. Yikes.

The Transporter 2

What can I say? I freaking love Jason Statham. I don't care if this movie even had a plot...he was kicking ass like nobody's business. And that car...wooo! What I didn't like was the throwback to 80s villian girls in here- short, boyish blonde hair, heavy makeup, obviously crazy and oversexed. It was like watching Pink..but...this actress was more tolerable. They never did explain why her version of getting dressed involved walking around in her undies.

The Constant Gardener

I like the whole thriller-mystery aspect of this film. But jeez...it FELT long.

The Benchwarmers

There are some funny parts, I won't lie. But overall...bleck. Definitely too crude for a family movie (yeah, it's rated PG-13). And poor Jon Heder seems to be a character actor. (In fact, my husband kept referring to this as "The Napoleon Dynamite Baseball movie".)

The Cavern

Oh dear god. It started out cheesy, got a little creepy, and ended with one of the WORST ENDINGS EVER. I think my husband was right, and we would have been better off renting She's the Man.

I'll get right to the punch. This movie sucked.

And the proposed title for the fourth installment, as offered by my husband- Quit Doing Shit in the Summertime

I heard good things about this movie. At least, I think I did. But hell if I can remember from where or whom. Anyway, this movie stars Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynskey in their film debuts as Juliet Hulme and Pauline Rieper, respectively. Juliet and Pauline are two teens with a rather...er..obsessive relationship. I think obsessive is too weak though. "Crazy as fuck" may be more appropriate. Anyway, two girls become crazy friends, one is going to move away, they freak, they kill one of their mothers. That's the jist.

I'm a little on the fence about this one. I wouldn't own it, that's for sure. But it was entertaining to watch this whole fantasy/relationship unfold. And I found Kate Winslet a little annoying (and I usually like her in stuff.) or rather,her character annoying. And a little spooky. You know, that may have been the point.

You'd think after the whole Cavern fiasco, I'd avoid anything with "cave" in the title. This wasn't as bad though.

Basic story. There's a cave. And people have to explore/map it. Only, there's some weird ass flying big teeth monsters hanging out there and shit. AHHH!

Meh. It just wasn't scary. The monsters didn't have enough screen time. There wasn't enough b & g. It was PG-13. I couldn't care about the characters. There was just nothing.

But at least it didn't end with a beastiality-esque rape scene, ala The Cavern. Right?

1 nana, for being a bit better than The Cavern.

Here's my Rent story. Back in the late 90s, when Rent was touring, I REALLY wanted to see it. I'm a theatre nerd. Ex-Theatre Design Major. (You know, before I embraced my geek.) Blah blah blah. Short story is, I didn't get to see it. Ever. And I was a little ticked off about that.

Then the movie comes out. And I'm like "Ooh. Like the play, but cheaper and more accessible." But I didn't see it in the theatre. Or when it finally came out on DVD. No, I waited till yesterday. And I will say right now I AM GLAD I DID NOT WASTE A SINGLE FUCKING DIME ON THIS CRAP.

Now. There is this whole problem with taking a stage play/musical and adapting it to film. Nine times out of ten, it doesn't work. And I think that may be Rent's problem here. Maybe? Hopefully? (I'm trying to give it a shred of hope.)

Here's the thing. I like the story. I think it's a fantastic story. Take the story out of the context of a musical and it would have made a great film. But as a film musical? Bleck. The songs were incredibly too cheesy. After the opening song, and the next song came on, I had too many instances of laughing at inappropriate times. Adam Pascal's voice was toooo much. Actually, every time he sang, my husband (who has a creepy talent of being able to emulate damn near any male singer's voice) would break out into the song Pascal did in School of Rock- which did not help my inability to keep a straight face.

I don't know. I hope the actual stage version is better, although that wouldn't help me with the lyric issues. What's funny is I've come across folks who are SO into this film, quoting shit like it's some mantra for life. You can find 'em on the IMDB boards...but take caution...the imdb folks, as I've said before, are angry folk.

I give it 1 nana, and only because I like Taye Diggs.

My family and I got together a posse to see this movie during it's limited 2-day release. To refresh, this movie was the final Project Greenlight project. It was actually completed about 2 years ago, but it took some time (and some reshoots) to get it out.

The plot is simple and From Dusk to Dawn-esque. A group of people are stuck in a dingy old bar in the middle of nowhere with creatures trying to get inside. I have to say, it was really the humor that saved this movie. It doesn't take itself too seriously and is deliciously campy and gross. What I didn't like so much was the lack of character development and the way the camera is shaky every time there's some action. It makes it hard to focus and SEE what is going on. This movie was featured in the current issue of Fangoria, so I saw the creatures up front. But in the movie? You're not so lucky.

But for being what it was at face value- low budget, relatively amateur director/writers- it wasn't too bad. I enjoyed myself. Compared to a lot of shit out there (*cough House of the Dead cough*) that gets a wide release, this movie is so much better. It wasn't the best horror movie, but it sure the hell wasn't the worst.

Let me start off by saying I enjoyed the remake to Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I enjoyed the grittiness and feel of the film. And R. Lee Ermey is just creepy. It didn't capture that disturbing, insane feel of the first, but it held its own. So I figured, I would enjoy this prequel, especially after reading an article in Fangoria about how it was supposed to be gory and brutal, and a bunch of other crap that I can't remember right now.
I didn't enjoy this movie. At least, not to the extent I thought I would. Even though it had a different director than the remake, the look felt consistent. But it dragged on for a movie that was only supposed to be an hour and 24 minutes.
Here were my problems with the film:
1. The tagline states "Witness the Birth of Fear", and birth, yes. However, the rest of Leatherface's childhood is done within a matter of 2 minutes, tops, by means of vague flashes. There was really no explanation of why he was the way he was. They did explain the cannibalism, but that's not really necessary. (When the family is obviously completely insane, does explaining why they eat people lessen the fact that they are still insane? Not really.)
2. I have no freaking idea who Jordana Brewster is prior to this movie, and I'm not sure I care. But one thing is for sure. Watching her run frantically around for an hour trying to save her friends is boring as hell. Wondering how she wears her pants so low and manages to not flash crack, not so boring.
3. Lack of character development. Is it imperative to develop characters that we know, logically, will all get it? (And that's not a spoiler. It's common sense.) Not really. But don't try to play the sympathy card on us when we can't connect to the characters that are getting the shit beat out of them. Near the end, I was just waiting for them all to die so the movie could be over.
4. This movie tried too hard on one hand, and not hard enough on the other. It was as though the filmmakers were setting the audience up to have those "Oooh...so that's why [fill in a tidbit from the TCM remake here]." So we get to see why the old guy doesn't have legs below the knees, but we don't get to see any of the teasing of Leatherface as a kid and why he's so embittered. Okay. Makes sense. Right?
5. Same ol' shit. We've seen this before. Three years ago.

What I did like was that there was gore. This was a movie made for the older crowd, not 15 year olds. The movie may have lacked suspense, but I was cringing to see how the next person was going to get it. Which is, in a sense, suspense after all, just not the kind that I would expect from a horror film.
I give it one nana. On a side note, as the movie ended in the theatre, some guy yelled out "That movie sucked my dick." That may have been the most entertaining element about the experience.

I guess last night was the night of sequel/prequels. Thing is, my husband and I don't get out often to see movies in the theatre, so these late night double features are getting to be our thing. Before I get on about the movie, I would just like to mention the dumbass sitting about 4 seats down from us. People who need to talk about the movie while the movie is on are one problem. People who talk about the movie in terms of the mental lightbulbs going off in their heads (ex: "That was the dude from the first movie!", "That was the chick from earlier!"), should not be allowed to SEE movies in public.Perhaps at all. I didn't feel like leaving the film to have a manager kick out the moron and his woman, so I resorted to other methods. Like whispering "Cocksucker!" and "Dickhead!" every time he started. Surprisingly, the overall frequency and amount of talking diminished. My husband claims that there is something wrong with me, and that I wasn't raised right. Perhaps...

Okay, about The Grudge 2. Again, I liked The Grudge. It is still one of those movies that I cannot watch at night. It is also the reason I decided I couldn't adopt an Asian child because I would piss myself if I woke up in the middle of the night and said child was standing next to the bed. You know, wanting a glass of water or something. Or to screw with my head and meow at me. I also thought The Grudge was Bill Pullman's best role ever aside from Newsies. (I'm really forcing a straight face here, but man it's hard.) What I do regret is that I didn't see Ju-On first, but it did help seeing it before G2. (That's the new hip way to say it. What, you didn't know? Of course not. Cause I just invented it...in my head.)

G2, from the trailer, appears to follow a singular story line- Karen's (Sarah Michelle Gellar) sister Aubrey (Amber Tamblyn) goes to find out what's going down. The movie, however, does not follow this linear path and is done more in the format of Ju-On. If you've seen that and understood it, you'll be accustomed to the jumping from story to story (the second story being that of the school girls who go into the house and get grudged.) For some reason, I wasn't expecting a continuing remake, but a continous of the story established in the first movie. To me, this parallel story line did not translate well in this American version and I wonder how much of the younger audience (it is PG-13 after all) had the attention span to keep up with the flip-flop. That's not an insult, just an acknowledgment of the A.D.D. I did enjoy the little throwbacks to the original, such as the old man who can see Toshio and plays peek-a-boo with him.
I enjoyed this movie, but just not as much as Ju-On, and I would recommend to anyone wanting to see this to see the original first. (But only if you like subtitles.) Two and a half nanas. (Yes, I finally made halves. WOOT!)

One of the problems I have with this movie, other than the CGI wolves, or the fact that NYC once again is getting destroyed very prominently in a movie, or that the Americans once again will figure out how to save the world, is the lack of answers it provides.
1. What the hell happened to the Canadians? Were they and Alaskans just wiped the hell out?
2. And the Australians? What happened to them?

This is truly bugging the hell out of me.

That's right, this is the weekend for the After Dark Horrorfest

Most of the movies look watchable to me, but it seems to me that spending $160 to see 8 movies (2 tickets to each) is just damn silly. Especially with the holidays coming up. (Don't get me wrong, I totally would if I could. And if I could get a babysitter for all 3 days.)
Anyway, I narrowed it down to 2 movies, both which happen to be playing tonight. I wanted to see Rinne and Unrest, unfortunately I couldn't find a reasonable schedule for that. (I had a reasonable schedule. Then Rinne started selling out. So I had to rethink. It came down to Dark Ride and Rinne.
Hopefully, they won't suck.

Alright, so Friday I saw some flicks that were supposedly too graphic and horrifying or whatever. Actually, let's summarize the start of this adventure. I had to buy tickets in another state, which may as well be another country for me. Once I cross a body of water, my natural orientation gets fucked up and I become susceptible to getting lost. And then I convince myself that people in the other state speak some foreign language and have foreign laws...okay, I have issues. I'll admit that.
I'm lucky I leave my home ever. Anyway, tickets in the other state. Of course the lovely parking garage built for the enormous structure housing the complex was full, leaving us to find alternative parking solutions in this foreign land. I had to deal with one way streets and men of no authority giving me the "hand" as they attempt to direct traffic for their personal advantage. After a few quick turns, we found parking in a nice cozy lot across the street from a strip joint. I figured it was lit well enough, so it should all be good. And the theater was in walking distance. Plus, I got to try out my new coat. (I didn't mention the new coat before. So, here it is: I got a new coat and it's fantastic but it wasn't cold enough to wear up to this point.)
We get to theater, get the tickets, find the auditorium just in time. First movie- Dark Ride.

Dark Ride
This is your typical slasher film. A location with a shady past (a carnival in Asbury Park, NJ) + youths in the wrong place at the wrong time (staring that chick from The Sopranos and that one guy from The Sandlot) + vices (drugs, sex) + whatever else (mental patient). This movie started out good enough. The background killing was disturbing and I thought compared to bad movies I've seen, they usually don't start off this strong. I was wrong though. The acting was mediocre and some of the characters were just flat out annoying. Actually, pretty much all of them were. And I kinda guessed the ending on accident. The camera work was shaky and led to confusing scenes- confusing in "hey, wait a min...I thought they died 5 mins ago." Lame.

We followed this up with Rinne.

Rinne (Reincarnation) Now this was more like it. From Takashi Shimizu, this film was just creepy. We missed the first few minutes of dialog, thanks to the projection not being set up right (the subtitles were off screen), but it didn't affect the movie much. Another creepy back story here- It deals with a hotel setting in which a guy goes nuts and kills 11 people, including his kids. A few decades later, a man decides to make a film out of the incident, which is when all the creepy shit happens. Given the title of the film, it's easy to figure out that SOMEONE must be related to the incident in terms of past life, but that's all the details I'll give about that. There were several scenes that freaked me out (the truck driver's incident in the first few minutes of the movie, the library scene), and it was good to see that Shimizu can deliver a good story beyond the Ju-On series (cause I really did not like Marebito at all). And the doll? Just freaking creepy.

Of course, after leaving the theater at 2 AM and walking back to the car, we noticed cop cars all around the parking lot. Never found out what went down, but so much for my theory. I'm looking forward to the rest of the film fest movies being available on DVD. Hopefully that will happen soon.

The Tooth Fairy Not sure what happened here actually. I got distracted. Very gory. You know, I remember during a certain scene thinking about how it was a trend to chop off the whole man bits, but they never actually show it other than blood in the crotch. At that precise moment, they showed the offended man bit and I thought to myself "Oh. That's why they don't show it. That's fucking gross."

The Notorious Bettie Page Not a bad film at all. I dug the whole feeling the director was going for (black and white in that 50s feel for the majority of shots, vivid Technicolor feel for the Miami shots). I just felt the film was lacking something, but I can't put my finger on it. Gretchen Mol gave a great performance. I spent the whole movie trying to figure out where I saw her from (The Shape of Things). Amazing what a different hairstyle could do. But I felt she really captured the character. Actually, what the hell do I know? I never met the woman (Page, that is).

The DaVinci Code I cheated. I totally intended to read the book first, but I fell into the temptation of being able to get it off my Netflix. The movie was still entertaining, so I can only imagine how the book is (cause I hear the book is better). Shit like this makes me wonder though.

Wolf Creek

Below is the old review I did for Wolf Creek:

I attempted to see this the other day. Granted, I didn't read much about it or really know anything in-depth about it. The premise is simple: three young folks go camping/hiking in the Outback and shit goes all fucked thanks to a crazy mofo. Think Wrong Turn, minus the inbred mutants. I like crazy mofo movies...usually. But before I get into that, I'll explain more on the actual film.

I've read people complaining that nothing happens in the first 45 mins. Basically, that's right. It's these 3 people and their shenanigans as they go on this camping/road trip expedition. I suppose the purpose is to give the audience a chance to somewhat get to know these characters. I say somewhat cause we never really know these characters' stories. I suppose it's irrelevant and the background that we have is enough to give us some sort of emotional connection for when the shit goes down. Right? Er...

The trio eventually makes their way to Wolf Creek, a meteorite park. It's a 3 hour hike to the crater and when the group returns their car doesn't work. Of course.

Note: If you are ever in some remote location backpacking, camping, etc., and your car suddenly doesn't work when you step away from it for a bit, take this as a warning that some crazy bastard is fucking with you.

Enter the crazy bastard. Sure, he seems like a nice guy. But we know he's crazy. They always are. He tows the group back to crazy town to "fix the car".

Another Note: If said crazy bastard magically appears out of nowhere and claims to not only know how to fix your car, but happens to have the parts at his crib, don't believe him. First of all, it's too coincidental. Second, real "sane" people don't actually have random auto parts laying around. (And if you're reading this and saying "Bitch please! I do!", you're probably a crazy car breaking mafucka in the making.)

Okay...crazy man...crazy town...broken car. This is when shit gets crazy. Not to spoil the element of surprise, it is soon revealed to the 3 guests that this man is fucking nuts. And then we get treated to various torture and killings and craziness.

Now this is precisely what caused me to walk out. I can handle the killings. But to see long, extended torture scenes is just too much. There was one particular scene that did me in. I felt physically ill. At this point, I no longer cared what happened to the characters. (Later, I did do a search for spoilers to find out what did happen in the end. I would have been disappointed. )

The film quality seemed grainy, which actually helped the feel of the movie. But for the lack of character development, extended torture and fucking pointless shots (such as filming from inside the car at the actors outside of the car) that were probably done to "look cool", and for the fact that there were 3 morons who sat by us and talked the entire time, I'm giving it one banana. ("That last one has nothing to do with the movie", you say. It sure fucking does. Obviously, the movie wasn't entertaining enough to distract those bitches from the shiny bright lights of their cellphones.)

I've given the movie another try while it was playing on Starz. Gore level, it didn't affect me as much. I still cringed at the scene, but I was a little more interested in seeing it all played out. Plus, I was able to watch this in the comfort of my own home as opposed to becoming embittered by fellow movie watchers and spewing out a diatribe. It got under my skin, which I think it really intended to do. I'd like to see more in terms of character, but to look at this as strictly a horror movie, did it fulfill it's purpose to disturb and scare? Yes, it did. I've adjusted my rating to 2 and a half nanas.

Poltergeist up next on the remake list

Total shit biscuits, that's what it is! Fuck a bunch of that shit.

Funny enough, I actually found an article dated last year saying Hilary Duff was going to play Carol Anne in a new Poltergeist movie. And Craig T. Nelson was reprising his role. I'm glad that appears to be fake, but it was worth a giggle.

IMDB link To use imdb's summary,

"A teenage loner pushes his way into the underworld of a high school crime ring to investigate the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend."

What I enjoyed most about this film was that it was a very "grownup" story in a teenage setting. Yet it manages to still feel very adult. It's part detective, part gangster, part thriller, and part drama all wrapped up in a very solid package. And it was definitely one of those movies you have to pay close attention to. I almost wish I would have watched it a second time before returning it.I have to admit, I was a bit surprised seeing Joseph Gordon-Levitt being able to pull off a role that was so crucial to the film's structure. I didn't think he was a bad actor before, I was just to surprised to see that he was that good.It was also good to see Lukas Haas again, who I haven't actually seen in anything since Mars Attacks! (he's been in stuff, I just haven't seen any of it.)

Definitely an owner.

I've liked Josh Hartnett more overall since he decided to fix his hair.

Anyway, the setup is a basic mistaken personality but mistaken by two crime bosses, which is a suck situation if you think about it. Boss A wants him to do a job against Boss B, who also recruits him for a job. Plus, your basic twists and turns along the way.

It was enjoyable, but I did get confused at first when I tried to multi task while watching it. The cast was excellent- Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Gandhi, Stanley Tucci....

I loved Ben Kingsley as Gandhi. So much so that I refuse to acknowledge him as anything but. I gotta tell you, Gandhi is a bit of a hard ass in this movie. What the hell.

To hell with it. I don't have the attention span to write a decent review with more than two sentences tonight. So I'll just compress the rest.

Thank You For Smoking Perhaps the last Katie Holmes movie ever?

Unbreakable Yeah, I know, I'm delayed. And I honestly knew barely anything about this movie. So when the intro about comic books came up, I had a "Is this the right movie? What the hell?" freak out. It is the right movie.

Winter Passing I dig Zooey Deschanel. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what the hell was going on in this movie.

The Chumscrubber Before doing this film, Justin Chatwin was in SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 with Jon Voight and Scott Baio. Just a tidbit.

Art School Confidential I didn't go to art school, but I imagine this is what it would be like if I did.

I'd have a problem for this if it wasn't for Sean Bean.

I still don't understand the whole remake fetish going on. And honestly, I'm getting the "we wanted a pretty face so we changed the story up a bit so the female character, which we will ultimately fill with a WB star, has more screen time" vibe from this.
But hey, SEAN BEAN!

Pulse (2006)
This movie sucked. Did we think it was actually going to be good? Why did I rent it? Just to say "Man, that sucked." And what is with the brazen claims of being the "Scariest movie of the year"? HA!

The Descent
Alright, now this is more like it. I feel the need to do a second run through of this movie. I watched it with the surround sound up and the lights off. Man, that was scary. The thing that gets me with cave movies (if they are done right) is that I tend to feel claustrophobic just watching them.

Little Miss Sunshine
I honestly didn't feel the strong urge to see this, but my husband was all into seeing it. Not a bad movie. Definitely had some hilarious parts. I thought Steve Carell's role was interesting for him, but I wish I would have seen more of it. Greg Kinnear and Paul Dano were excellent. And hell, the little girl was adorable (Abigail Breslin, who was also in Signs as the adorable girl).

The OH in Ohio
Honestly, I only half-assed watched that, and by that, I mean I listened to it while I killed things in WoW. It wasn't BAD and there were some funny moments. I just don't think I'd need to see it more than once. And Danny Devito kinda freaks me out.

Crimson Rivers
I think the second one may be better. Even Jean Reno couldn't make this any better for me. MAYBE if Vincent Cassel did some of that fancy footwork, ala Ocean's Twelve It started off good, but just seemed to get weak. And I'm still not entirely sure about the what's and the how's there.

Bunhongsin (The Red Shoes)
I'