You know those emails you get where someone in whatever foreign country claims to be giving you a shitload of money for no reason? 
Yeah, those aren’t the sort of emails I’ve been getting. 
Last October, I received an email in broken English about a “course” I was supposed to teach. It even had the schedule included in it. I shrugged it off as spam. Weird spam at that, but what the hell? 
A week later, I got a follow-up email saying that my book for class was sent to me. Curious, I decided to investigate and see if this was indeed some sort of weird spam scam. Turns out, the emails are coming from Czech Republic and as best as I can tell, they are legitimate. 


I am sending you the email address of the language agency. It’s <removed>. Send them your CV. As to extra lessons they are on Thursday  (3. 12.) from 13.45 to 15.15 and on Friday (4. 12) from 8 to 9.30. You will get 800 Czk for these lessons. The pay day is on 20th December but if you need the money earlier, I wil give it to you. I will call you next week to tell you what to do in these lessons. It´s business English – you can prepare it by yourself if you like, e. g. making phone calls, sending emails, making presentations. The name of the company is Linde, it is in Predlice. Ask your boyfriend to help you to find it. It is not difficult.
So perhaps my supposed boyfriend is Czech? And for those who don’t have a handy currency converter, that’s about $38 for the lessons. Now, I don’t know what the cost of living is in Czech Republic, buuuut….$38? On the other hand, if it really is that easy to get by there, I would be friggin rich on their terms. 


I kept getting follow-up emails every other week. I even got a Christmas card from them, which is hands-down the best Christmas card ever:





Now, I don’t know how they do things in your world, but in mine NOTHING says rocking christmas like a rocket ship, space men and snowflakes. 


I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to a few moments where I thought “Fuck yes, I WILL GO TEACH THE ENGLISH.” I mean, how bad could it be? Sure, maybe along the lines of Stripes…


I never did reply to them and tell them they had the wrong me. That was probably a dick move on my part. I wanted to feel wanted….sniff…
That’s a joke, of course. I’m lazy, dammit.
And I still get the occasional emails about the language stuff. Makes me wonder if alternative universe me who gets paid $38 to teach English in Czech Republic ever got there. And if they were wondering why the hell they never got any emails. Or any awesome Christmas cards.
Okay, I really feel like an ass now.
Alternative Universe Me – I sincerely apologize.