Okay, so you got me again. You stole my lawn mower. You are a master backyard burglar. I am awed with your thievery. 
However… Let’s talk about this lawn mower, shall we? For starters, I didn’t even pay for it to begin with. It was a hand-me-down lawn mower. I haven’t the slightest idea how old it was. So, no monetary loss there. Second, it was sitting outside since the day I got it, uncovered. It’s been out there in the rain and in the snow, unprotected from the elements. It was rusty as all get out.
Third, the blades were pretty dull. To cut one section of grass required multiple goes. Granted, I have a small backyard, but mowing should have taken a few minutes instead of a half-hour.
So what you have now is an old, rusty, hand-me-down lawn mower that doesn’t work well. Yeah, HAVE FUN WITH THAT ONE.
Oh…and one more thing. See, we haven’t cleaned the backyard in a few weeks. Been too busy doing other stuff. So I know for a fact that there’s no way in hell that you were able to dodge the copious amounts of dog shit piles in the yard. And lately, my dogs have taken to shitting on the sidewalk as well. Trust me, shit dodging is a real pain in the ass, and I’m even aware that it’s there. But you…in my backyard…with the lights off…Heh. Oops? Let’s see the final score: You: 1 piece of shit lawnmower, and dog-shit covered shoes. Me: Rid of a piece of shit lawn mower, and getting a good laugh out of it. Hmmm…I think I win this one. And in case you’re the bastard who stole my garbage cans two years ago, I’m pretty sure there’s a special place in Hades for people like you. I’d scope out the yards on this one too, but again, I’m not 100% sure what it looked like. I need to start taking pictures and labeling stuff better.