Note: This post will be chock loaded with spoilers. Normally, I try to avoid spoilers, but I don’t see how I can adequately make my point without them this time.

Ah…The Collector. A movie I really knew nothing about other than seeing the trailer a few times. I read nothing up on it, so I went in fresh. Not intentionally, mind you. This was actually a movie that Netflix thought I’d like. But they think I hate good movies and like crap, so…. 

The jist of the movie is such: a dude decides to rob the house of his employer, only to find out he walked into a home invasion of the most elaborate kind. In fact, I think the title should have been changed to The Most Elaborate Serial Killer Ever Versus The Man of Fail.  

Looks normal, doesn’t it? NO! THEY ARE DEADLY! RUN AWAY!!!  (Image via Wikipedia)

You see, the serial killer doesn’t just walk into a house and kill people. No, that would be too simple, and simple killing is for fools. This guy makes serious plans. He comes with knives and fish hooks and razor blades and guillotines and bear traps and acid to set up a plethora of booby traps all over the place. By all over the place, I mean damn near EVERY ROOM IN THE HOUSE.

Clearly the guy has all sorts of free time on his hands in between the whole trying to kill people thing. Booby traps are one thing, but these are so completely over the top that it’s humorous. Plus, I’m almost certain he was wearing a luchador mask, which is not exactly terrifying. I was waiting to see some cool flips. 

Next, there’s the man of fail. No matter what this poor schmuck tries to do, or who he tries to save, he fails miserably. In fact, had he just left the house instead of trying to be the hero, everyone would have probably been better off. Not that he was someone you really cheered for anyway. All we really know about the guy is that he has an odd name (Aardvark or something), was potentially in prison before, has a gambling wife, and steals shit. Tug at my heartstrings some more, why don’t you?

I’m not sure where the suspense was supposed to be in this movie. Am I supposed to hope that Man o’ Fail makes it out okay and goes back to his life of a crime peacefully? Am I supposed to hope that Lucha Libre kills them all off and goes on his merry way without being caught? Frankly, I didn’t care for either. I just wanted the movie to end so I could go to bed.